I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
