my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
