The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
