i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
