Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
