so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize