I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
