i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
