shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
