I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
