I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize