Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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