Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
