hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize