just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
