So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
