that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
