dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
