Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
