You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
