Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
