so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
