new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
