Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
