2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
