I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
