i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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