I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
