Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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