So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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