We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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