i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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