How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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