Buhtt sex?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
