My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
