Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
