Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
