I wish I only lived at night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
