it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
