To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Randomize
