Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
