I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
