When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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