I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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