Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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