if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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