I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
