walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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