I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
