i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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