Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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