I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
