You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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