I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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