I just saw a hot homeless man
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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