and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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