I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
