im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
