i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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