I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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