You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
