Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize