The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
