How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize