Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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