doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
