I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
