final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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