This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
