I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
