I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Four minutes until I can fart!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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